Truthful Thursday

This morning my son woke me up around 230am. His pj's were wet, totally a justifiable reason to wake mommy. I took care of things and got him back to sleep only to have him start crying a little while later. Needless to say it was a sleepless morning for me! My husband was great and got up with the boy this morning, at 7:00a, fed him, dressed him and let me sleep. Normally this would have been awesome, and it was, but it threw the entire morning off. I needed to get myself dressed, the boy to school and to my first official weigh in at WW before heading to Bible Study and a meeting for my Masters program. Thankfully I made it all...just a little later than expected.

So here it is. I weighed myself at home before eating and then headed out and was weighed dressed and fed. Its time to get real and to be accountable. Here are the pictures.

Is it just me or did my clothes and light --I swear!-- breakfast add close to 5lbs! Grrr! Next time I will demand they weigh me naked! And away from the windows. Because being naked AND in front of the windows, well, that would just be awkward.

WW suggests, as did my personal trainer turned good friend Laura, that you take measurements. Mine are shameful! But in the interest of Truthful Thursday and with the knowledge that they will improve and the hope that they might inspire someone else to start their own weight loss journey here they are.

Arms-13 3/4"  Hips- 43"  Bust- 40"  Waist-36 1/2"  Thighs-41.5"

I plan to do these monthly. And, I had my husband help me do them! Hows that for transparency! --side note Im not entirely certain we measured in the exactly correct area but we will continue to measure in the same spot so even if we're off somehow at least we'll be consistent! Oh, and its also totally sobering, frustrating and somewhat depressing to learn that your arms, waist and pretty much all of you measures larger than your husband. At least I can go to sleep tonight knowing that I weigh less than he does. Even if its not by much. That's me, keepin' it real people.

***Food ratings: Breakfast-good, mid-morning snack-bad, lunch-good, dinner- good Its currently 9:49p and Im hungry. Im blaming it on my weak breakfast, while healthy it was meager, and my poor snack choices.

T minus 1

Tomorrow I officially get real and weigh in. I will also start officially keeping track of what I eat and, more importantly, the amount. I'm a little lot apprehensive about this. While I know from previous experience that Weight Watchers doesn't deny you any foods I'm already feeling the loss of my good friend Hershey and her cousin Ms. Smarshmallow--affectionately named by my son. Although the truth is those bitches aren't real friends at all! They make me feel good for a minute, or ten, and then the guilt settles in. So I start thinking what difference does it make if I only ate three squares of the chocolate bar or if I eat six? Another three wont hurt and two minutes later Ive downed all twelve. Then my husband walks in the room hoping for some chocolate and I shamefully admit I'm fat and have already devoured the entire bar. If only I could channel this lack of self control into something better. Like, I don't know, cleaning the house? Man my house would look AWESOME!

So tonight I shared a large Mc D's chocolate shake with my boys. I know this might not sound like a wonderful treat but man, those people at Mc D's have stepped up their game! Gone are the days of soft serve in a cup with a little chocolate syrup hand stirred in. No. Now they are for real shakes. Whipped cream and a cherry on top to boot! This occurrence wont necessarily come to an end it will just become less frequent.  I find comfort in that thought. Is it weird that my emotions are so tied up in food?

***Speaking of food...I haven't quite figured out how to post to the What I Ate page without removing previous content. So I'll just rate my meals. Id say breakfast was acceptable, lunch was great, dinner was great, snacks and dessert...we'll lets just say I had a lot of ice cream today. What can I say? I had to get it all in before I begin holding myself accountable to my choices.

The Fat Vegetarian Enters the Room

So here it goes, the Readers Digest version. Soon after the first of the year, 2011, I decided to give up mammals; no cows, no pigs. Giving up the meat was pretty easy. So at the end of February I decided to try going all out and become a vegetarian. I gave up all animals, milk and eggs. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Even my husband was mostly on board. Turns out it was 'easy' because in reality I became a cheese-etarian and I was self soothing with chocolate. I was struggling with these new weird ingredients and with finding a way for my son and husband to eat them with me without to much complaining. Hello cheese covered everything. And the chocolate? Well it soothes my soul.

I have always struggled with my weight but, thanks to a Weight Watchers stint last year, I was at a weight that I was comfortable at. Was it my ideal weight? No. Was it a healthy weight for my size? BMI votes no. I still, in my mind at least, wanted to lose 20 more pounds but I was pretty happy with just holding steady where I was.

Once the onslaught of cheese and chocolate took hold the weight started coming back. And not one or two pounds at a time, but five pounds and then ten. So I admitted to a good friend that the ten pounds I had put on really ticked me off but not enough to put down the Hershey bar. What was I to do? I was mad at the ten pounds, I was mad at myself but I just couldn't get mad at the dang Hershey bar, I mean, its chocolate! My life long friend. I decided that my only option was to put down the chocolate and do something. I started finding some really great vegetarian and vegan blogs that helped set me on a more healthy vegetarian track. I decided I'm definitely not a huge tofu fan (read: hate it) but quinoa and tempeh are pretty dang good. But now here I sit with ten pounds more than my 'comfortable yet unhealthy' weight with another 20+ pounds to go.

In the interest of 'doing something'  I rejoined Weight Watchers today, although, Thursdays will be my official weigh in day. Last time I used the program I lost the weight with portion control and staying within my points. I didn't exercise, despite the fact that they encourage you to, I just don't like to. Sorry Laura! Maybe I'll try to this time. We'll see.

Anyhow, I plan to use this blog to hold myself accountable. I plan to share my journey and my struggle. I expect that no one but my mom and good friend(s?) will read this. And thats alright.

Oh, in the interest of accountability I'm planning on sharing what Ive had to eat each day. Check it out if you're up for it. I'll link back to the recipes I've found online.

Get fired up!